oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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