put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize