don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
