So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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