My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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