You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize