An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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