Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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