You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
