Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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