i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
