White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
