I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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