these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
