your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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