He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
We need to rekindle our bromance
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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