i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
