I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
