Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
