it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my liver is dry heaving
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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