On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I intend to get homeless drunk
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
