I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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