I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
another moral hangover. fuck.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Let's get the cat blown out
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
