STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
