I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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