I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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