R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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