Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
