dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
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There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
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It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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