Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
