paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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