I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
