I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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