My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
the condom got lost in my hair
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
there is glitter all over my balls
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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