They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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