Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
