ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
