Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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