Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
