I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
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she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
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He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I still have a little drunk in my system
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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