I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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