Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
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