Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
