I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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