just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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