It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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