she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
