once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
