i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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