If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
