had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
