Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
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I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
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I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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