eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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