in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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