I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
