I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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