the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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