I want to make a zoo with you.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
