Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
