he puts the penis in happiness.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
