I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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