the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
