You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
