So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
